Gramma Gaga

I recently purchased a prime rib roast and was looking forward to a well deserved feast after all the hard efforts of my husband and I collecting, tossing, giving away and recycling clutter from the home. According to the principles of Feng Shui, releasing ‘stuff’ and decluttering is a good thing, as you are allowing creative energy to circulate throughout your living space and environment.

Okay, so having done so, I’ve now released the energy beast. Beast you say? Yes beast. Trust me. The whole experience can be quite liberating, to say the least. Until you realize that the ‘creative’ energy that you’ve released doesn’t quite know where to go, even though it is creative in nature. I envision it swirling around my home in closets, corners, cabinets and cupboards, wanting to rest but unable to find an obstruction worthy enough to allow it to do so. That is, until it arrives in the hands of my husband who was in the TV room, better known in our family as the ‘man cave’,  fumbling with the remotes. Yes, plural. Like a bull in a china shop this energy beast finds all things that appear to be red flags, my husband was its first find. Without hesitation he calls up to me:  “THE TV ISN’T WORKING, NO VOLUME!” And to think we were so delighted with ourselves and our new empty spaces that we jumped up and down and high fived several times throughout the day. Unknown to us at the time, the energy beast had already left its mark on the TV (via the remotes in my husband’s hands) and was now headed straight for my oven. Did I mention my famous Yorkshire Puddings? This, all while I was on my way downstairs to see if I could fix the TV, as was so eloquently requested by my dear husband. Technology has always intrigued, challenged and frustrated me from time to time, but in an enjoyable way. I was on it like that bull in a china shop, thoroughly enjoying my time with three remotes, pressing buttons and trying different combinations just so I could say: “There, I fixed it!” It was then that the prime rib on the BBQ became the next red flag.

“ARRAH ARRAH ARRAH…!”

My husband, having great faith in all that I do, ahem, believed all was well with the BBQ, the Yorkshires, his man cave, AND that I would most definitely fix the TV. However, for some reason beyond my understanding, he chose this very moment to ask what turned out to be a very important and timely question: “How’s the roast doing?”  Yikes! I thought to myself, and what about my Yorkshires in the oven? It was at this moment that I snapped and started talking like a cave woman (what did you expect? I’m in the man cave trying to fix the TV!): “You, BBQ.” “Me, kitchen.” I spat out. He knew better than to ask anymore questions, bless his manly heart…. He scrambled outside to check the BBQ while I bolted upstairs to the kitchen.

In the first time for many years, okay, maybe the second, the Yorkshires resembled badly deflated mini flat breads. Whaat? The energy beast made it to my oven? This can’t be happening. At the moment of my discovery in the kitchen my husband came flying in like Kramer use to when entering Seinfeld’s apartment.  “BBQ! On fire!” Speaking in cave man, arms flapping uncontrollably, looking slightly panicked and shuffling his feet as though he were James Brown singing; I Feel Good…, although he didn’t look so good.

Are those hoof marks? Enough! Super Bull to the rescue! Forgot to mention that my birthday falls astrologically in May, aka, Taurus the Bull. His, January, aka, Capricorn the Goat. Go figure.  No need hanging around the kitchen wallowing in self pity over my trampled looking Yorkshires. Do I take the fire extinguisher with me? NO, it can’t be that bad.

OH YES IT CAN! There was only one thing to do. I did as my husband expected (gotta love married life after 30 plus years eh?) I barked out the orders: “Turn off the flippin gas!”… Check  “Get my oven mitts!”…Check  “Open the lid!”… Check  “NO, NO, NO…. CLOSE THE LID!”… “Get the xzhll out of my way!”… Check, check, check  “I SAID, GET THE XZHLL OUT OF MY WAY!”

Phew…

Finally, fire out, roast beast charred to a crisp on the outside, but still hope for the inside, we breathed a sigh of relief. Once we got it slow roasting in the oven we proceeded to make things just a little worse by holding one another responsible. The energy beast was now hitting on both of us at once!

“Where the xzhll were you?”

“Right, well if you recall I was cooking and then YOU called me to the man cave to solve YOUR problem with the TV that had no VOLUME!!!!”

“I’M NOT YELLING……!”

Okay, so lesson learned: According to the principals of Feng Shui I need to be selective because when I release energy, energy releases me. This can often be a good thing, like during exercise or when vacuuming, but sometimes….. not so good. Especially not anywhere near a china shop.

I think my husband would agree…

P.S. As for the prime rib, we were able to carve away the charred outsides and thoroughly enjoy the juicy remains of the day, mini flat breads on the side with copious amounts of red wine. Yikes! Maybe it should have been white wine….

AND THAT’S NO BULL!